Ella esta Loca...

A certain neighbor of my parents, who will remain unnamed, is absolutely, certifiably CRAZY. Granted, the woman IS in her eighties, and MIGHT be going senile. I do not dismiss her "issues," and I recognize that she is "not all there." As such, I am sympathetic to her stiuation. However, this does not dismiss the fact that she is nuts.
Here's the skinny on the situation.
My parents built a house in Eucalyptus Hills about three years ago. Crazy lady, let's call her "Betty," informed my father that his house was a "monstrosity." Here are a FEW (only a few...the list is endless) of our run-ins with good old Betty.

* She told my mom that she doesn't like her children

* She often screams at my brother if he pulls into her driveway to turn around.

* She yells at my dad if his dog is outside and even gets near her house.

*She also told my dad that it was her goal to get his dog taken away from him...and then proceeded to call animal control who had to come out and "investigate" (come on...they live in the country! Is it really that big of a deal if his dog is off a leash??).

* She also told my dad that he made a "huge mistake" when he built his house, and that she would make his life a living you-know-what because of it.

* She accused my mom of hating the military (where the heck did that come from??).

*She accused my sister of calling and "threatening" her.

And the WORST of the offenses? When my parents dared to build a porch in their front yard without pulling a permit, she hired a lawyer to formulate and submit a complaint to the county, thus halting my dad's construction for several months.

one end of the house

the other end of the house. yeah. it's a really long house...I couldn't fit it all in one picture.

the highly debated porch (still under construction)

So...this brings us up to my favorite of the Betty encounters.
 I noticed a couple of days ago that Betty was struggling to carry her groceries inside her house. My initial reaction was to ignore her struggles (I know, not my finest moment...but come on...the lady is MEAN!). But then my mom gently reminded me that we need to be Christlike (even if she is a beast), and be of service.
So I offered my help... and she refused it (big surprise).
She then proceeded to inform me (and here's the best part!!!!!!), that I needed to tell my sister that she (Betty) had called her son-in-law cop and told him about the threats that she (my sister) had been making and that he (the cop) told her (Betty) that she (my sister) would be arrested and...
(here's where it gets graphic)
"have all of her clothes stripped off, including her panties, and have her bu**hole checked."
-direct quote.

WHAT!?!?!?!

I had to hold back the laughter. I told her she was wrong about the threats, but thanked her for her concern about my sister's nether-regions.
Betty then called my mother the next day. I don't know what the point of her phone call was (and neither does my mom). I only know that she told my mom that I was a liar, that she was worried about my sister having to get her "fanny" checked when she got arrested, and that I was beautiful.
What any of these subjects have to do with each other, I'll never know.
But this is the way Betty thinks. Crazy right?