January 08, 2014

A New Year, A New Me (cheesy, I know...but oh so true)

Have you ever gotten to a point in your life where you feel like you've just hit a brick wall? You're at a standstill. You don't know where you're going. You hate being stuck where you are, but you don't have the courage to "gird up your loins," as it were, and tackle that DANG BRICK WALL, and get on with your life?
Yeah, me neither.
Until recently.
Life has been tough as of late. Like really tough. I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say, I've been standing here, looking at that wall thinking to myself, "Nope. I'm not going to do it. I'm not climbing that thing. I'm just going to stay right here, on this side, and take a nap."
So, while I've been taking that "nap," my life has just gone on auto-pilot. I go through the motions, but I've lost my zeal. That "Whitney-zeal" that I've had all my life.
Well, not anymore.
I don't know if you know this, but it's 2014. And with every new year, we're supposed to make A New Year's Resolution, right?
Believe me, I had no plans to make any resolutions. My resolution was just to keep on keeping on. But then, about two days before New Year's Eve, as I was sitting on my rump, browsing Instagram (which I had been doing for about an hour...see what I mean? No "zeal."), I came across a quote. A simple quote, really, but one that had such an impact on me that I got goose bumps. It read:
See what I mean? Simple. But so profound. I have been so caught up in my head, worrying about life, that I've forgotten to actually LIVE my life. 
There will be trials in my life.
I can't solve everything.
Life is far from perfect.
I'm far from perfect.
This life we're living is hard.
It probably always will be.
And that's been a difficult pill for me to swallow.
But there is beauty and joy too, and if we allow ourselves to look for that goodness, it can outweigh the really bad parts.
So, with a new-found determination, I have decided that with the new year, I'm going to live life more.
My husband has always told me that if there was one thing he could change about me, it would be that I stopped thinking SO MUCH. That I stopped over-thinking and over-analyzing every little compartment of my life, and just, "be."
So, in what might seem like a strange segue to some, I have re-committed myself to this blog. Because, you see, I had given up on it a bit. I had thoughts like, "my blog isn't as creative as other people's" and, "my photo's aren't impressive," and, "blogs are no longer the 'cool' thing to do."
So, because I couldn't make it perfect, I just decided to give up.
Because I felt like I couldn't "fix it," I ran away from it.
That seems to be a trend in many areas of my life right now.
But you know what, I started this blog for one reason only...
Because I REALLY like to write. I might not be perfect at it, and I probably bore most people with my rambling, but it's a release for me, and I find joy in doing it. And besides, I think my husband is probably the only person who reads this thing consistently (Shout out to my boy. Hi, Graham).
But I'm going to do it.
I'm going to stop thinking about all of my imperfections, let go of the things in which I'm lacking, and just "be."
I'm going to think less, and live more.
Because that's how we go from just surviving, to actually thriving.
So, here's to a new year...and a VERY new me.

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